So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize