just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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