Dual....:-)
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
