I wish my penis had an off switch
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
