i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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