So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
