Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
