Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
