Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
