she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize