508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
