So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
