I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Operation Purity has been aborted
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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