i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm going to jail i love you
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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