Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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