It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
