My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
