I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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