After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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