smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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