i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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