Quick, to the slutcave!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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