i think i have two assholes
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
