I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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