The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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