i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
