After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
