Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
