If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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