is wine microwaveable?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
