Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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