just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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