I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
