how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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