I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
