I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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