After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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