talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
