THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
