i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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