my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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