haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
