fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
