Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Mom said you looked used
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
