thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
