He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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