I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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