Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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