I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
