let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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