Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You ruined the universe
Randomize
