Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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