At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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