I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
