At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
