When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My breasts were aching with rage.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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