somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
