im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
