i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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