So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
