I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
