Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't deserve a penis
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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