Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want nice things and good sex
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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