Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
