but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
