Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I need moral support for this bender
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
