There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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