I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
