i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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