i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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