Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize