fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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