I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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