I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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