Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
