Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
