Jerry, you need to find god
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
