I think i peed on brittanys purse
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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