dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
