Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
