Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
