Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
