i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
