you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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