afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
