drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Shame - the story of my life.
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