So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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