Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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