guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
