I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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