First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
