Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
