She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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