You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
